Tuesday, 2 December 2014

From the beginning

OK guys, so this is me from the beginning; here goes nothing. I have been struggling with depression for over a decade now. Until the last 13 months it has been bearable and I have managed to cope with it. It all started when I was 16 years old and I started struggling to sleep and felt down. I was put onto medication by my family doctor and told I had very mild depression. Then after a few months I stopped taking the medication as I felt I didn't need it and I was OK for many years just using art and other outlets to fend off my depression. Which usually ended in a big spending spree, hey I am a girl after all :)
So around 6 months ago I started to feel very depressed and struggled to get more than 2 - 3 hours sleep a night. I tried my usual art outlets, but that didn't help. So I ended up seeking medical help again. My family doctor said that I was definitely suffering with my depression again, however this time it was extremely severe. I found it hard to simply get up everyday never mind anything else. But I was trying to put on a brave face, as having a 4-year-old son you have to right?
I was determined not to have my little man growing up worrying and noticing Mummy wasn't her usual fun self and why was she in bed when it wasn't night-time?  But he hasn't seemed to notice, other than the odd time I try to sneak a moment to myself for a cry, and he comes and finds me.  He just gives me a cuddle and tells me he is sorry for his behavior as if he thinks that it his fault, little monster.
I am currently on medication to try to help with my depression and my sleep anxiety. I am currently up to having around 5 hours sleep a day, which is a big improvement to what I have been having up to now. I have also started using the MoodGYM website for CBT therapy, and that seems to help a little bit, but we shall see where this road leads us right??????

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