Confessions Of A Planner-O-Holic #3

So this week has been a very hard one with my mental health. It has been another week of accusations and being spoken too like a child. I also had a very hard therapy session too, I was so tired after it as I ended up crying for around 24 hours pretty much non-stop. So when it came to writing this post I thought that maybe I could let you know why I started using a planner and how it has helped me.

So I started to have a planner after watching loads of videos on Youtube. I purchased my first planner from one of the Facebook planner groups. I ended up getting a second hand Erin Condren Planner which I got for a steal as the lady just couldn't get on with the system. So I was really enjoying using stickers and using bright colours. I had noticed that my mental health had been getting worse and worse so I wanted to use a planner to try to keep me motivated and to track the affects my mental health was having on my everyday life. 

I initially used it as a way to write down a few things that I wanted to try to do everyday. Which then ment that I was noticing that I had lost all drive to do anything. I have always been a creative person from painting to crochet; but even these loved hobbies were being left behind. I kept trying to do them but was finding it harder and harder. I gave in and went to see my GP, it was really helpful to have my diary with me as I could show my GP what was going on, as my memory was getting awful. He said it was a very pro-active way to keep an eye on things, and hopefully see if there were any trends or triggers. 

However, after around three months with my Erin Condren I was noticing I wasn't using it daily and would find weeks would go by without me using it. As all us planner girls know your eyes start to wonder and those pesky Youtube videos of filofaxes, travellers notebooks, websters pages etc would give me the itch to want to try a different system. So before I took the leap I asked around in the Facebook groups and asked for help and advice to see what people would recommend for my needs. One lovely lady asked for my address as she wanted to send me a RAK, which I was so shocked when it arrived. She had sent me a black travellers notebook (which I now use for my blog). I was so suprised and found myself crying at the kindness of the groups of other planner enthusiasts. Of course my husband couldn't understand why I was crying and quiet why the planner I had wasn't working, typical!

So I ended up trying to use my TN for just tracking my mental health, medications and also any mood changes I was noticing. I found this super helpful and now own two other TN's. I love how versatile the TN is but I kept being drawn back towards a ring binder. So yet again I made the leap into a Websters Pages planner. I fell in love straight away, I was able to make sections so I could try to keep trackers separate from other aspects of my life, which has been helpful. I do find now that I keep them separate that I am using my planner more and more. I wonder if subconsciously if I wasn't using my other planners because as soon as I opened them it BAM right there in the page (which made it feel like a big neon sign saying 'Hi I struggle with my mental health and I'm not good enough').

So where am I today, 18 months on from having my very first planner. Well I currently own around 20 different planners. Too many? Nah I am still on the look out for planners. A girl cannot have too many, although my husband moans about how many I have, and how often I change which I am using. But well sometimes a certain planner is calling to me so I just move all of my inserts over. Just like changing into a certain outfit that is calling to you. You get it don't you?

I hope you have all enjoyed this weeks Confessions Of A Planner-O-Holic. I look forward to seeing the other girls posts; don't forget to head over to their posts (links below). Until next week keep planning!

Vicky

List of My Fellow Confessions blogs/Youtubers

Katy Evans

Kelly Vizma

Jo Whight

Emma Hinks

Michelle Mills

Emma- Louise Smith

Michelle Mills

Pokemon Go - Day One

So yesterday I had a really hard therapy session; I was so tired and really struggled with the session. It was made harder as there had been another triggering incident the previous night with a member of family. Added on to that I only have one more session before we go on a break so I am worrying about that.

But, after the session I had a nap in bed and I felt a little better. And was messaged by a friend that Pokemon Go was finally available to download in the UK.

I have been a fan for so long and I had been waiting for this to come out. So I dragged myself out of bed and downloaded it. And I was so excited, while having my 'mental health day' I had been watching loads of videos on Youtube and learning up as much as possible. So I used the trick to get Pikachu as your first Pokemon, while we had a slow walk to collect Harry from school. And so far this how I am getting on which I don't think is too bad for just over an hour of being out. We ended up coming home though as I was so worn out from my therapy and my anxiety was starting to really affect me.

Happy Bead Mail

So yesterday I was having a really bad day with my anxiety and depression. I tried my usual things to try to help; including the PlayDoh my therapist gave me. But nothing was helping at all, but Mr Postman kindly delivered some Happy Mail that I had forgotten about.  I was really suprised as I only ordered them at the weekend, so very fast delivery indeed, and they gave me a bit of a lift. When I am struggling with my depression the online shopping starts. I hope I'm not the only one?

You others in the crafty world will know that feeling when we either 'stalk' our Postman or that happy feeling when he brings goodies as well as the bills!

My world

So I thought I would share a post about my world; my 6 year old son Harry. He is the one thing that makes me keep on fighting with my mental health. Everyday he makes me laugh and is always there to ask if I am ok. He has the kindest soul that I have ever met. He has always been a very bright child and will always share 'his last rolo'.

When my Dad died suddenly in October 2015, Harry really did struggle. They were best friends; and Dad was always the one Harry would confide in when he was having problems at school. So not only did he loose a best friend but also his confidant. I was so sad to see my little man so unhappy and lost. Unfortunately his school work took a bit of a hit too; his reading development  just stopped. I think this is partly because Dad and Harry would read a lot together. So he would put off reading and I could see that the memories he had attached to reading were making it hard for him.

But 8 months on we have both healed a little bit and he now talks about Grandad with great fondness without getting upset. We have a jar where we collect any feathers we find, as Harry relates them to Grandad being around. It warms my heart to see how strong this wonderful little man is, and really shows me how to be within myself.

Thank you so much little man to keeping Mummy going; I love you so much buddy.

Love Mummy x

Life Is Hard

So it has been a really hard week since my last therapy session, and thankfully my next session is tomorrow. I have been really struggling since we uncovered so much of my guilt and PTSD due to bullying. I have been trying to compartmentalise last week and my emotions. But it has been really hard since we gave my guilt a voice last week to stop that voice. I practically dragged myself to a GP review on Monday; which I explained the work that has been uncovered, and he said he was proud of the work I was doing and that I should try to not blame myself all the time. But that is just something that is easier said than done!

The last two days especially have been so hard. I haven't even got out of bed as I couldn't physically do so. I am so drained and feel so weak all the time. I am just so tired of having to live like this! Today I decided to try to take a Mental Health Day and just try to check out of my own head. I have just been lying in bed, with a cup of tea, and caught up a little on some of my TV Shows. So Nashville it was; and a song from one of the episodes really resonates with me and my current emotions and mental health.

Sometimes you just need to take a step back and have a day just for yourself. I have done it in hope that I can be emotionally ready for my therapy tomorrow and try to build myself up a little.

I hope this finds you all well,
Vicky x

Therapy tomorrow & Moving

Sorry I have been gone for a few days guys. I have been trying to post on my twitter and instagram accounts though. So where have I been? My sister has been moving house so it has been all hands on deck to help with the move and unpacking. I stayed over with her until yesterday to just try to get as much of the house set up as possible.

Although some of that was a little selfish to try to keep me busy on Father's Day. It was our first Father's day without Dad and it was really weird. Both myself and Steph were very emotional and sensitive which I had expected though. It was like there was an elephant in the room that none of us commented on. But we kept ourselves busy packing the day house, and unpacking the new house.

I thought I would check in though as it is my therapy appointment tomorrow and I am really not looking forward to it. I have really been struggling with my anxiety and lack of sleep. I just cannot switch off my thoughts. I have been feeling really sensitive so am worrying that my therapy session will leave me much more vulnerable, but we shall see.

I have usually been able to use reading fiction books as a way to escape and I have even been struggling to focus on those too. I started a new book today called 'A Thousand Boy Kisses.' I picked it hoping it would be an easy read and not too emotional. But I am around 90 pages in and there has been a huge plot twist which is so emotional. So there goes my hopes of escaping my negative worries. It is really well written though and up to now I have really enjoyed the romance.

I shall be writing a review on it once I have finished and let you know how I got on. Anyway wish me luck for tomorrow and remember to stay strong.

Vicky x

PLANNING is HELPING with my MENTAL HEALTH?

Ok, so here it is I have always been one of those really organised people that makes lists and is always ready for holidays and special events weeks or even months in advance. Well one of the first things that I noticed when my anxiety and depression was getting worse was that I wasn't doing anything. Don't get me wrong most days are still a struggle but I have found one way to keep myself focused and motivated. Plus my planner is a good way to channel my creativity and allow me to track my days.